I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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