She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
