this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Boobs speak an international language.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
