I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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