i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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