i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
COCAINE IS GR8
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