You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
PANTIES FOUND
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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