the new term for farting is butt boxing.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
