if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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