She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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