too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
