Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
