I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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