I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize