We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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