The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
