"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
