That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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