He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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