I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
