1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
