I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
