his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
