Where is the hickey?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
