And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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