When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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