dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
