Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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