She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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