I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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