Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
