So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
