The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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