she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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