just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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