pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
