Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
