Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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