if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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