I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
