After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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