I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
