i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
