My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
