I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry about my life...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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