guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
