Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
