Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
