uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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