So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
