I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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