Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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