Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
