Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
