I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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