you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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