Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
