dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
