Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
