i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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