Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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