Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
